And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
