if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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