I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
