Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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