You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
