So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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