We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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