he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
