dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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