I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
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He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
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Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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