yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
