he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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