i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
