If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
