Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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