So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
