we're blogging at a bar
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
