brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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