I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
