new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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