hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
