I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
