Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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