I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
