There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
