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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once

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• (207): View more from Maine

  You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.

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