I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
