We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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