Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
