I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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