I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
