I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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