WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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