Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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