I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
is it fun? or sober?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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