My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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