Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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