There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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