I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
