my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
