u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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