Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
