they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
