get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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