Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
