I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Green mimosas i think yes
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
