Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
