we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
