...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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