Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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