I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
