Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
