She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
