Fine. I'll sleep in my office
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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