You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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