I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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