yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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