she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
