omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
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Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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