someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
