Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
