Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
