Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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