It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
