Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
